Loss

Today was the last day of classes, the last day to take our LIB test and the last day of my pregnancy....
Finals week and I have to make the decision on our to finalize this miscarriage.....
I am overwhelmingly depressed right now.... Two days ago I noticed some brown spotting. Last night I called Donna about it, she said to call Katy who knew more on the subject. She didn't answer.
This morning I called Katy who told me to see my doctor. I made an appointment. Checked my pants and realized the spotting was turning more red than brown now. Panicked I called the doctor back and was told to come in right away. I called and texted Steven to get out of class but his phone was off. I called my mom and told her I was bleeding....
Steven came out of class as scheduled and we went to the doctor. He checked me and I wasn't dilated or anything just spotting.
Than came the ultra sound.... Looking at the empty black hole on the monitor sent me to tears..... It was gone.... My now fetus was gone....
The doctor sent us to do another ultra sound with a better machine.... But no avail our baby was gone just the black hole....
Now I have to decided if I want to take the few weeks it could last to bleed this out or take a pill that was clean it out in 24 hours.... My baby is now nothing but blood coming out which to be handled by a well placed pad... Tampons are not allowed.... My baby is nothing but a black hole in my uterus....
The picture on my fridge is a lie....
I failed my LIB test.
I am numb with tears in my eyes. It is getting hard to see....

My babies

Illianna loves walking. She is such a sweet baby. I love her so much!
This baby has been pretty quiet. So far I am six and half weeks. And thankfully I have not been sick. But Lord have I been sleepy! I am still deciding on a doctor that I want to delivery the baby. I went to one lady doctor and she was good. But I have another appointment with a guy on the 20th. I am nervous. Steven really wants me to have a female doctor. But I really don't care.
It will all work out though.
Oh my due date is December 5th 2011. I will probably have the baby around Thanksgiving. :)