Doctor Cain has been calling me every day to see how I doing. I decided to miscarry naturally. Since my body is the one who decided to get rid of the baby I am not going to help out the process by taking the pill that will clean it all out in 24 hours. So it has been a slow process. Up until last night it was just medium to light bleeding with very mild cramps.
Last night was TERRIBLE! I went through four over night pads from midnight to six am. I barely slept. The cramps hit a 8 pain level. TMI( but I passed lots and lots of tissue!)
Now that it is morning I feel kinda better. I am back to mild cramps but lots more bleeding. I need to shower.
Steven and I are still trying to decide what to do about future children. ie: when to try again..... I want to still say it's in the Lord's hands but he wants birth control till after he finished POST.
I just need to get through this step right now and that is going to be my main focus for now.
May 2, 2011
April 28, 2011
Loss
Today was the last day of classes, the last day to take our LIB test and the last day of my pregnancy....
Finals week and I have to make the decision on our to finalize this miscarriage.....
I am overwhelmingly depressed right now.... Two days ago I noticed some brown spotting. Last night I called Donna about it, she said to call Katy who knew more on the subject. She didn't answer.
This morning I called Katy who told me to see my doctor. I made an appointment. Checked my pants and realized the spotting was turning more red than brown now. Panicked I called the doctor back and was told to come in right away. I called and texted Steven to get out of class but his phone was off. I called my mom and told her I was bleeding....
Steven came out of class as scheduled and we went to the doctor. He checked me and I wasn't dilated or anything just spotting.
Than came the ultra sound.... Looking at the empty black hole on the monitor sent me to tears..... It was gone.... My now fetus was gone....
The doctor sent us to do another ultra sound with a better machine.... But no avail our baby was gone just the black hole....
Now I have to decided if I want to take the few weeks it could last to bleed this out or take a pill that was clean it out in 24 hours.... My baby is now nothing but blood coming out which to be handled by a well placed pad... Tampons are not allowed.... My baby is nothing but a black hole in my uterus....
The picture on my fridge is a lie....
I failed my LIB test.
I am numb with tears in my eyes. It is getting hard to see....
Finals week and I have to make the decision on our to finalize this miscarriage.....
I am overwhelmingly depressed right now.... Two days ago I noticed some brown spotting. Last night I called Donna about it, she said to call Katy who knew more on the subject. She didn't answer.
This morning I called Katy who told me to see my doctor. I made an appointment. Checked my pants and realized the spotting was turning more red than brown now. Panicked I called the doctor back and was told to come in right away. I called and texted Steven to get out of class but his phone was off. I called my mom and told her I was bleeding....
Steven came out of class as scheduled and we went to the doctor. He checked me and I wasn't dilated or anything just spotting.
Than came the ultra sound.... Looking at the empty black hole on the monitor sent me to tears..... It was gone.... My now fetus was gone....
The doctor sent us to do another ultra sound with a better machine.... But no avail our baby was gone just the black hole....
Now I have to decided if I want to take the few weeks it could last to bleed this out or take a pill that was clean it out in 24 hours.... My baby is now nothing but blood coming out which to be handled by a well placed pad... Tampons are not allowed.... My baby is nothing but a black hole in my uterus....
The picture on my fridge is a lie....
I failed my LIB test.
I am numb with tears in my eyes. It is getting hard to see....
April 14, 2011
My babies
Illianna loves walking. She is such a sweet baby. I love her so much!
This baby has been pretty quiet. So far I am six and half weeks. And thankfully I have not been sick. But Lord have I been sleepy! I am still deciding on a doctor that I want to delivery the baby. I went to one lady doctor and she was good. But I have another appointment with a guy on the 20th. I am nervous. Steven really wants me to have a female doctor. But I really don't care.
It will all work out though.
Oh my due date is December 5th 2011. I will probably have the baby around Thanksgiving. :)
March 31, 2011
March 22, 2011
Finally my car is happy!
So much drama surrounding my car. The transmission has been going out for almost three of the four years we have owned it. We finally got enough from our tax return to get it fixed! We went to this place called Honest 1 who will give us a used one for 1700. Cool so we took out car in on Thursday and got a rental. The guy calls Friday night and says "Your car is done but we close in twenty minutes." We figure we can pick it up Saturday and go up North for our spring break on Sunday after church.
Saturday comes and we go pick up our car. Honest 1 opens at 8 and we get there at 8:40. It's closed.... We wait twenty minutes and figure someone is clearly in trouble for not opening their store. We call every hour and no one answers. It is a 24 hour service number and no one answers?!
Our rental car is due at noon so we start to panic and call the rental place to tell them it will be late since our mechanic isn't showing.... They don't answer either! Steven thought there was a holiday we didn't know about going on?
By one o clock he decides to call the Honest 1 breach in Provo who tell us "They are suppose to be open... I'll call the owner and get back to you."
At 1:30 the owner of Honest 1 calls us and says, "It is known between businesses that the Saturday of spring break we take off so the employees can have the holiday.... But I will come in and get your car for you."
We thanked him and left to go get our car. He was about twenty minutes late but oh well. We paid him and thanked him and left.
We drove up to the airport which is pretty far now that they built a new one. Thankfully Hurtz car rental was there and were just not answering their phone. We returned our car no problem! As we were driving back Steven decided he wanted to get a tune up on our car before we left. We took our car to Big O Tires and they did a tune up, oil change, rotated our tires, and did the safety check.
When we went to pick our car up we found out their printer was down and so they were going to mail our stickers to my parent's house.
Phew! Now for Sunday, we packed up the car and went to church. Which lasted 45 minutes longer because it was stake conference. (Steven and I had to say opening and closing prayer, Plus he was on the stand for choir)
Once church was over we leave to start going up north. We are doing good. Than five miles pasted Cedar City Steven notices our car is VERY over heated! As he pulls off the road our car stops! Thankfully we were able to cost to the side of the road. We get out and yes our car is smoking! Great..... We call the insurance company and they send a tow truck... The wrong direction... After twenty minutes he calls us to ask where we are. They sent him South and we were North. He made it to us in forty minutes. Lucky for us his truck had a back seat so me and Illianna were safe to ride. He dropped us up at AAMCO. We were stuck... So we called our friends Jessica and Lee. Who were in town and picked us up. We moved our important things into their van and they took us home.
Jessica came and got Steven in the morning and took him to pick up our car. Which Steven took to Big O Tires. They found out that when Honest O was putting our car back together they didn't put the clap back on to the hose that holds the whole thing together! BLAH!!!
Saturday comes and we go pick up our car. Honest 1 opens at 8 and we get there at 8:40. It's closed.... We wait twenty minutes and figure someone is clearly in trouble for not opening their store. We call every hour and no one answers. It is a 24 hour service number and no one answers?!
Our rental car is due at noon so we start to panic and call the rental place to tell them it will be late since our mechanic isn't showing.... They don't answer either! Steven thought there was a holiday we didn't know about going on?
By one o clock he decides to call the Honest 1 breach in Provo who tell us "They are suppose to be open... I'll call the owner and get back to you."
At 1:30 the owner of Honest 1 calls us and says, "It is known between businesses that the Saturday of spring break we take off so the employees can have the holiday.... But I will come in and get your car for you."
We thanked him and left to go get our car. He was about twenty minutes late but oh well. We paid him and thanked him and left.
We drove up to the airport which is pretty far now that they built a new one. Thankfully Hurtz car rental was there and were just not answering their phone. We returned our car no problem! As we were driving back Steven decided he wanted to get a tune up on our car before we left. We took our car to Big O Tires and they did a tune up, oil change, rotated our tires, and did the safety check.
When we went to pick our car up we found out their printer was down and so they were going to mail our stickers to my parent's house.
Phew! Now for Sunday, we packed up the car and went to church. Which lasted 45 minutes longer because it was stake conference. (Steven and I had to say opening and closing prayer, Plus he was on the stand for choir)
Once church was over we leave to start going up north. We are doing good. Than five miles pasted Cedar City Steven notices our car is VERY over heated! As he pulls off the road our car stops! Thankfully we were able to cost to the side of the road. We get out and yes our car is smoking! Great..... We call the insurance company and they send a tow truck... The wrong direction... After twenty minutes he calls us to ask where we are. They sent him South and we were North. He made it to us in forty minutes. Lucky for us his truck had a back seat so me and Illianna were safe to ride. He dropped us up at AAMCO. We were stuck... So we called our friends Jessica and Lee. Who were in town and picked us up. We moved our important things into their van and they took us home.
Jessica came and got Steven in the morning and took him to pick up our car. Which Steven took to Big O Tires. They found out that when Honest O was putting our car back together they didn't put the clap back on to the hose that holds the whole thing together! BLAH!!!
February 27, 2011
What to do?
Steven is deciding to change his major! UGH! I am so frustrated with his idea. He want to be a cop instead. I really want him to stick with nursing. We wrote down the pros and cons to both and now we need to go over them. I know I am suppose to support him in his choices but this is a HUGE thing that will affect our family for the rest of our lives! I know nurses get paid more and have better work hours.
Sigh.... I probably sound really selfish but I just want him to have a good job that allows me to stay home and be the mommy. That has always been my goal and I hope it is his goal as well....
Sigh.... I probably sound really selfish but I just want him to have a good job that allows me to stay home and be the mommy. That has always been my goal and I hope it is his goal as well....
February 18, 2011
4 years!
Steven and I celebrated our four year wedding anniversary yesterday. It was lovely! We went to this restaurant called Riverside Grill on the Sunset golf course. It was very high class! I got the filet mignon. And Steven got a New York strip. His wasn't as good as mine. You know a place in high class when the toilets are black! It was very pretty! After wards we went to see the Green Hornet. It was alright.... It was a lovely date! I bought Steven his very own Jazz jersey with is name on it. :)
I am so grateful for my husband. I love you Steven, and I am so glad you married me. Thank you so much for putting up with all the crap I do. I love you! Can't wait till next year!
The bad part... Mom and Dad lost the house and it got sent to Auction... :( But thankfully it didn't sell so maybe they will just let Mom and Dad buy it. After all the bank agreed to the offer. It's Fanny Mack that said no... But no one knows why. I cried. I really wanted that house for my family and Mom and Dad to have.... I don't know where we will go from here.
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