Family

We have made the decision that after last trip up north we will never again go to a family event! We had two, one for my parents at the cabin and another for Steven's family. They were terrible! Steven stupid sister Danielle ruined EVERYTHING at BOTH reunions! I would rather die than have to be near her ever again!
So if you want to us again for a family event that "thing" cannot be invited as well. It is NEVER happen again!

Cloth

I got my trial of cloth diapers today. I got two gro via hybrid's one mod flower snaps and the other is orange hook and loop. I also got a snow cone colored softbums. It came with three types of inserts.
I am so excited to do cloth diapers! It took for almost two years to convince Steven to let me try them.
Illianna had already tried them out with all she gots. Lol!
I love how cute they are and I know it will be worth it in the end. I get them for three weeks, so much fun!

School

We pasted our spring semester! And now we are on to Summer. I am really proud of us because with our refund/loan money we have paid all of our bills up to September! So we owe no one nothing till than. :) Also, WE PAID OFF OUR CAR!!!! I am SSSOOO happy to be a car owner! Now we have to try to sell Celica so that we can get a four door. I am sad about it since it was my engagement ring and four doors don't seem like an upgrade to me. But oh well "the good of the family" is more important. Blah Blah Blah I am gonna miss my car none the less.
Steven is doing really good on his running. He did the mile in a half in 11:07:16 which is amazing! I pray he gets into the academy.

The worst night!

Doctor Cain has been calling me every day to see how I doing. I decided to miscarry naturally. Since my body is the one who decided to get rid of the baby I am not going to help out the process by taking the pill that will clean it all out in 24 hours. So it has been a slow process. Up until last night it was just medium to light bleeding with very mild cramps.
Last night was TERRIBLE! I went through four over night pads from midnight to six am. I barely slept. The cramps hit a 8 pain level. TMI( but I passed lots and lots of tissue!)
Now that it is morning I feel kinda better. I am back to mild cramps but lots more bleeding. I need to shower.
Steven and I are still trying to decide what to do about future children. ie: when to try again..... I want to still say it's in the Lord's hands but he wants birth control till after he finished POST.
I just need to get through this step right now and that is going to be my main focus for now.

Loss

Today was the last day of classes, the last day to take our LIB test and the last day of my pregnancy....
Finals week and I have to make the decision on our to finalize this miscarriage.....
I am overwhelmingly depressed right now.... Two days ago I noticed some brown spotting. Last night I called Donna about it, she said to call Katy who knew more on the subject. She didn't answer.
This morning I called Katy who told me to see my doctor. I made an appointment. Checked my pants and realized the spotting was turning more red than brown now. Panicked I called the doctor back and was told to come in right away. I called and texted Steven to get out of class but his phone was off. I called my mom and told her I was bleeding....
Steven came out of class as scheduled and we went to the doctor. He checked me and I wasn't dilated or anything just spotting.
Than came the ultra sound.... Looking at the empty black hole on the monitor sent me to tears..... It was gone.... My now fetus was gone....
The doctor sent us to do another ultra sound with a better machine.... But no avail our baby was gone just the black hole....
Now I have to decided if I want to take the few weeks it could last to bleed this out or take a pill that was clean it out in 24 hours.... My baby is now nothing but blood coming out which to be handled by a well placed pad... Tampons are not allowed.... My baby is nothing but a black hole in my uterus....
The picture on my fridge is a lie....
I failed my LIB test.
I am numb with tears in my eyes. It is getting hard to see....

My babies

Illianna loves walking. She is such a sweet baby. I love her so much!
This baby has been pretty quiet. So far I am six and half weeks. And thankfully I have not been sick. But Lord have I been sleepy! I am still deciding on a doctor that I want to delivery the baby. I went to one lady doctor and she was good. But I have another appointment with a guy on the 20th. I am nervous. Steven really wants me to have a female doctor. But I really don't care.
It will all work out though.
Oh my due date is December 5th 2011. I will probably have the baby around Thanksgiving. :)

BABY NUMBER TWO!!!!

Today we found out we are pregnant! I cried!